Victory Burger, Oakland, CA

This restaurant proclaims,"the sweet taste of VICTORY!" VICTORY of what?, you may ask. Victory of fries, I say. I've come here twice, both times getting my sandwich arepa-style (arepa is a gluten-free and vegan friendly Colombian/Venezuelan flatbread, which I'd never heard of before coming here), which proves extremely messy: the sandwich literally falls apart in your hands. But while the mess is annoying, the fries make up for it. For two-fiddy, you can acquire a nice medium-largish portion of delicious fries, super hot, slightly crisp, and soft and lovely inside. They are perhaps a bit softer than I would prefer, but for two bucks I'm not gonna complain. The ketchup is housemade, and though not going to make your pants fall off, it's not bad either. The fries are also slightly underseasoned, which is why salt on the table is always a plus.

Bonus: Outdoor seating, and a functioning restroom (I think I need to include the restroom bit in my reviews more often). And right next door to it's sister shop Actual Cafe if you want a coffee before and/or after, OR if you want to actually eat your food from Victory Burger inside the coffee shop! (You can place your order while at Actual.)

++++

Fries:

Price: $2.50 for a side, $5.00 for a basket

Portion Size: Medium-Largish for the side; I imagine that the basket must then be ginormous.

Texture:  A bit crispy on the outside, soft texture on the inside. Perhaps could have used a tad more of a crispy exterior, but not complaining due to the economical price.

Greasiness Level: 3 out of 5 (standard grease level)

Seasoning: None

Fried In: I believe some sort of vegetable oil

Condiments: salt, pepper, homemade ketchup, mustard, homemade hot sauce. Not well-seasoned but a sprinkle of salt helped out.

Overall Quality of Regular French Fries: 6.75 out of 10.

Five Faces Ice Cream Shop, Chicago, Illinois, yo

(Confession: I'm not gonna lie. I've seen the interiors of more than a handful of french fry purveyors since my last review. But the combo of being both busy and lazy kinda killed the fire under me to keep up with this blog. Here's hoping this marks a new start.)

+++

I've heard this area of Chicago referred to as Near North Side, Gold Coast, and other confusing multiple-name whosie-whatsits. But what does it matter when it's very early in the wee hours of the morning, and you're looking for an amazing fish sandwich and fries, and like a miracle, the sign for this place twinkles in the moonlight and you realize, yes, your perfect day will actually roll over into a very perfect morning?  Let me make a very bold statement, ladies and gentlemen, and say that Five Faces Rules. As for the "Ice Cream" part of their name, they do have soft serve and shakes, but I didn't see any actual "ice cream" lying around. What they do have is EVERYTHING ELSE. Italian sausage, cheeseburgers, chili hot dogs, chicken tacos, gyros, pizza puffs, and everything else in-between. Besides a crazy assortment of, well, like I said, everything, it's the perfect place to observe the hussies who just crawled out of the several bars or clubs on the block wolfing down greasy food in drunken bliss (if watching stuff like that is your sort of thing).

Adorable fry sack. Sound filthy? It ain't.

Fries: In an adorable bag that says "FRENCH FRIES" on it (and the very same bag that's on my Items I Love list on Etsy). And yummy. Slightly crispy on the outside, nice and soft of the inside. Not seasoned enough, but with salt you can change the course of your fry-meal. In spite of this, the fries were delectable even without the salt.

And did I mention that the fish sammich was kick-ass? Five Faces, I love you.

++++

Fries
Price: French Fries $2.13 (for goodness sake, a deal, I tell you!)

Portion Size: Medium
Texture:  Slightly crispy on the outside,  nice "give" on the inside.
Greasiness Level: 3 out of 5 (standard grease level)
Seasoning: None
Fried In: I believe some sort of vegetable oil

Condiments: salt, pepper, ketchup, mustard. Not well-seasoned, but salt changed EVERYTHING.

Overall Quality of Regular French Fries: 6.5 out of 10 with salt added.

Cafeteria, NYC

Ahh, NY, the city where for four straight years I survived on French Fries, Vente Frappucinos, Snickers Bars and the occasional burrito and bagel alone (sometimes supplemented with chocolate chip pancakes from Bliss in Williamsburg and often supplemented with Brioche with Sugar and Croissants from the Hungarian). Now that my nutritional menu has expanded (it now includes fresh produce), trying new restaurants is something I quite enjoy.

My friend recommended Cafeteria in Chelsea. First of all, this place is open TWENTY-FOUR SEVEN. 50,000 bonus points right there. Second of all, their food is AWESOME. And the waitstaff is super friendly (and also beautiful--it's funny how you can't help thinking every NYC waiter is also an actor). And they have co-ed bathrooms (just a kind reminder: please wipe the seat if you are of the standing persuasion).



Obviously, I'm going to concentrate on the fries. First, the Truffle Parmesan Fries. Yes, for $6 dollars and a medium portion, maybe not the cheapest fries on earth. But HOLY HELL these fries are good. They are lightly crisp on the outside, with soft and delicate innards. First you bite into the crunchy, cheesy Parmesan topping, then your teeth hit the pillow of the fry, and all of a sudden a heavenly blast of truffle oil coats your tongue. The seasoning overall is perfect with a good salt factor. It's served with ketchup, which these fries honestly don't need, although it's nice to have as an option. I'm giving it a 9.5, only because I almost think the Parmesan gives the fries a slight unfair advantage (maybe that's lame to say, but this is the first time I'm reviewing fries with any kind of cheese on top, and to be perfectly honest, I don't know how to fairly compare these to all the other fries I've tasted).


 

(Bad phone pic, although I'm thankful for it. Tx Nic!)

Now onto the Sweet Potato Fries. A side of these is 5 bucks served with Garlic Aioli if ordered as a Side, but they came with my friend's burger and so didn't come with the Aioli. Regardless of this, these yummy guys were simply INCREDIBLE. Like the Truffle Fries, they have a nice gentle crisp on the outside and a soft center. But here's the crazy thing. These fries are seasoned with what I could only discern as salt. So you bite into the fry, and you taste the saltiness. And you're thinking, "Aren't these supposed to be sweet?" And then you wait a second and out of nowhere…Pow. The sweetness bops you in the head. I'm not quite sure how the hell they prepare these fries, but whatever Cafeteria is doing, it's moronically good. I still don't understand how they make them so that the sweetness hits your tongue later than you think it will. It's simply magical! It's like freaking up there with unicorns and pots of gold.

+++

Truffle Parmesan Fries
Price:$6.00
Portion Size: Medium
Texture: Slight crisp on outside, good delicate softness on inside
Greasiness Level: 3 out of 5 (slightly greasy). Let's be honest here. Who was paying attention to this when the fries were so good?
Seasoning:  Well seasoned with salt, parmesans, and truffle oil.
Fried in: Some sort of vegetable oil

Condiments: Ketchup. Choose your own: ketchup, mustard, pepper, salt

Overall Quality of French Fries: 9.5 out of 10

+++

Sweet Potato Fries
Price:$5.00
Portion Size: Medium
Texture: Slight crisp on outside, good delicate softness on inside

Greasiness Level: Let's be honest here. Who was paying attention to this when the fries were so good?
Seasoning: Well seasoned with salt. And Magic.
Fried in: Some sort of vegetable oil

Condiments: Ketchup. Usually comes with Garlic Aioli, but I didn't get a chance to try the Aioli. Choose your own: ketchup, mustard, pepper, salt

Overall Quality of French Fries: 9.5 out of 10